filth and squalor...

I don't really know if logging in and blabbing on randomness as I have been doing is really what I am supposed to be doing with this... but until I am told differently, I guess this is what I will continue to do...

So onto my filth and squalor...
It seems that my fiancee thinks that these are the conditions in which I am living since the beginning of the semester.  I have decided to commit social suicide for the next12 or so months so that I might finally be able to graduate.  I am enrolled in 18 credit hours this semester and I cut my hours at work, though I am still working part-time.  While I did not intend, in my social suicide, to create conditions of filth or squalor in my home as a means of obtaining the goals of having no social life.  I was however informed that my house was a stinky disaster. 
I had only been gone for the afternoon when she arrived at my house and I received this new, and I swear that I did not see what she saw nor did I smell what she smelled.  I will admit that the trash needed taken out, and that I also needed to do the laundry, but I firmly maintain that she exaggerated the details of the situation.
My apartment is rather small and tight, so if things aren't put back into their designated places, it does seem far more cluttered and messy, but still.... FILTH AND SQUALOR?!? lol
This has all become a laugh for us both, and I'll even admit that I introduced the word squalor as I was defending myself and the not-so-bad state of my living space. 
I suppose it's a good thing that I already have the ring on my finger!
needless to say, she cleaned the house from top to bottom which is the best thing I have seen coming out of my course load so far!

snow, snow, snow....

I am lacking any feeling of creativity as I sit here and stare at this blinking cursor.

I am weary with tired eyes though quitting is not an option
walking away is easy but not among the possibilites before me
I do not feel as though my writing here, required or not, makes me pretentious
nor do I think it is important enough for anyone else to read or seek out
I have often rambled on papers that will never be seen by any other eyes than mine,
most of those ramblings are just that... nonsense scratched onto paper
meant only to be seen, felt, experienced, and dispelled on the page.
I like to entertain the idea that I am a poet, and was once advised to claim the title
though I don't feel as though I or my words are worthy of such a title...
I write for a sense of making sense, sometimes with alliteration or imagery
sometimes not, sometimes there is something grand and meaning full and sometimes
there is nothing but letters arranged in a way that could only make sense to me
but I was told once that perhaps that is poetry too
maybe what it is that I have to say will fall on the ears or within sight of just
the person who needs them
maybe my words will never find another soul to whom they carry meaning,
but regardless of what is in the works for my arranged letters
I will not stop composing

I find that sometimes in the ramblings one can learn something more about themselves
... I also find that on occasion, I have looked back at my own words and seen nothing that
was not laughable.
but I do suppose that for now I will stop rambling and go home
g'night

Following dreams and obtaining goals...

over the weekend, I went out of town to spend sometime with my cousin.  She is several years younger than me, but I found that I am quite impressed with her determination.  I don't know of many, if any, who set a goal for themselves and actually see it through.  My cousin, and many in my family actually, have a great love for Disney.  Since I can remember she has been engaged and enetertained by Disney films.  From the first time she visited Walt Disney World, I think she was hooked, and in her education she has worked towards her goal of being a Disney Imagineer. 
Yesterday she left the comforts of home and family to live in Orlando for the next eight months to work at Walt Disney World.  I find this determination to be most admirable!  I personally stumbled around in my early college courses thinking that I knew what I wanted to do, but it was only after about six years and another whole semester figuring out that while I still wanted to become a Doctor it was not a medical degree that I sought.  I failed the majority of the classes that I enrolled in, and decided to take a couple of creative writing classes.  I not only got straight A's and made the Dean's list, I found what I wanted to do for a career.  I am now in my last year of an English and Women's Studies double major.  So, in a sense I am fulfilling my goals, but my cousin is only 21 and is already so much closer to her dreams than I ever would have thought possible at the age of 21...
end of soap box now...

all in a day's work...

an introduction... my name is shelena, and I am new to the area and this school.  I moved from Indianaposlis in July of 2010.  I went to IUPUI and was a senior there working towards my degree in English- Creative writing with a minor in Women's Studies.  I lost credits in the transfer to this campus, though I'm not sure how or why, but because of that I am a junior.  One positive thing in this is that I am closer to a double major here, so I guess the trade off is ok. 
I got engaged last February, my partner and I have been together for four years.  She works for the department of homeland security, and is stationed in Detroit.  I moved to Fort Wayne to make the commute easier for us both.  The hope is that once all is said and done, I will have graduated and will be free to move where ever she gets stationed.
I plan to continue my studies, but have yet to decide whether those pursuits will lead me to my PhD in English, WOST, or both. 
My partner and I have a cat named Cat, and a hedgehog named Edwidge... And if you are wondering, there are many other pets that would offer more entertainment and/or companionship than a hedgehog...
today has been an especially long day, so I think for now, I am signing off...