Love is love is love is love is love is love is LOVE!

I got engaged February 23^rd of 2010, and on March 13^th of this year, 2011, I gave my partner her ring.  It was a quiet Sunday evening, and we just got home from our trip to Seattle for Spring Break where my dad’s side of the family still lives.  My partner met that side of my family for the first time on that trip, and it was a fantastic time.  Our exchange of rings was quiet and sweet, we love each other and that is something to be cherished and celebrated. 

I have to admit that while I couldn’t be happier to have someone who loves me and who is so able to deal with my shit, I want a wedding; I want to have our families together to celebrate with us.  I know that there are those who think that my ‘lifestyle’ is an abomination that it’s abhorrent, and they are entitled to those beliefs.  But the fact is that I have love, and I feel as though I have just as much right to want to celebrate that.

My partner and I started discussing wedding plans almost immediately after she proposed last year.  We decided on colors, flowers and even the venue for the ceremony and reception.  The expenses were adding up quickly, and neither of us have saving that would cover it nor do we have parents that are willing or able to contribute to the cause.  My mom has never been great with money, especially saving it!  My dad offered to do the catering, but the venue has their approved list, not to mention that he lives on the other side of the country.  My partner’s parents are quite conservative, and don’t really support our relationship though they have recently begun to acknowledge it.  So, we put plans on hold.  I had to get money saved for the move here to Fort Wayne last summer.  I also had to get into and situated in an apartment and get mentally prepared for the job search and the start of the fall semester.  She had to get acclimated to life in the USCG, and had just moved into a new apartment where she is stationed.  With all of that, planning a wedding went by the wayside and we have just gone about life. 

My partner is one of five children between her parents who are both remarried adding a total of five more siblings to the situation.  She is the oldest of the kids her parents had, and her brother who is next in line announced his engagement at the end of 2010.  Her whole family has jumped on board to offer support both emotionally and financially.  I don’t mean to sound whiney, it’s just a little frustrating.  She and I have been together for over four years, the last year of which we were engaged, and the majority of the family refused to even acknowledge my existence.  But her brother’s engagement and marriage are the talk of family, as they all are planning gifts, travel and accommodations for his wedding.

I am not saying that I want their money or that I want them to pay for or plan our wedding, more than anything I want for my partner to feel that support from her family.  Her heart is repeatedly broken by the way her parents react to her relationship, skirting around it like it’s a disease they can catch.  I am not her partner but her ‘friend’ in their conversations… “So, how’s your friend doing?”  Friend?!

I think back to a post that Vickie made about her visit to Fort Wayne Pride, and I wish that more people in this world shared her sentiments… In her blog post, she said, “there is not enough love in the world to begin with, and if you find someone to love whether they share the same body parts as you do or not, you have every right to live your life with that person free from judgment and fear. Period.”

Love is love is love is love is love is love is LOVE!

To those in the trenches of academia

In our paper, paper #2-cretivity, I found that while my relationship with my mom is rocky at best, I have a great amount of respect for her.  Over the course of the last few weeks since spring break I have been struggling to keep afloat academically.  The whole load of all my classes came crashing down on my head and shoulders.  I have been a rollercoaster ride of emotions-- crying, self-loathing, telling myself that I can do it, resolving to the good old- “all you can do is the best you can do,” and back again to self-loathing… I have something against succeeding I think, at least on a subconscious level.  But, I look back to my childhood, well from 5^th and 6^th grade, and I see my mom struggling to raise two kids, go to school full-time, work as much as she could, and try to have some moments of free time.  I see that sacrifices she made, and though there are some that I don’t necessarily agree with, she made it happen.  She went to nursing school and became an LPN, then worked for a year to gain some real-life experience.  After that year she went to Marian College in Indianapolis, now Marian University, full-time in a two year, accelerated program and is now and has been working as a Registered Nurse for over 15 years. 

She has seen her fair share of obstacles in life, and as humans we all make mistakes, but she survived and is an incredibly strong woman because of it all.  For this, I have incredible respect for her as a person, a woman, and as my Mother.

To all of those who seek academic ends, which are seemingly never ending, here is the one thing that I have learned—Keep at it, keep at it, and keep at it.  It isn’t easy and it shouldn’t be, this is the rest of our lives and creating that kind of sturdy foundation should be laborious. 

I have a great amount of respect to all who seek this path and find the strength to make it through.